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Courtney Hays and
Whitney are now friends
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Courtney HaysOffline
- California
- straightupcare.org/consultant-profile/5411178
- Peer Specialist
About Me
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Courtney Hays
Medi-Cal Peer Support Specialist
The one thing I have always known I'd like to do with my life is to help people. As a Peer Specialist, I am also a person who has used mental health services. I have always wanted to be able to make a difference to people's lives. I was adopted at birth into a loving family, but I always felt a sense of loss and confusion about my identity. Struggling with intense emotions, I often felt abandoned, unworthy, and misunderstood. This internal struggle was a constant trend in my life, influencing my relationships and self-perception. Growing up, I was relentlessly bullied from elementary through junior high. Every day, I faced harsh words and exclusion, feeling like a constant outsider. My classmates' cruelty left me feeling isolated and afraid to speak up. Whenever I gathered the courage to tell my parents about my experiences, they dismissed my feelings, telling me I was just being overly emotional or sensitive and that I needed to toughen up and get over it. This invalidation deepened my sense of loneliness, making it seem like there was nowhere I could turn for support. These feelings intensified during my teenage years, leading to turbulent relationships and self-destructive behaviors. It took years and the help of compassionate friends and counselors for me to start healing and recognizing that my feelings were valid and that I deserved kindness and understanding. When I turned 21, I started experiencing Alopecia. My hair would fall out in patches, and it would grow back only to fall out again. This on-and-off battle with Alopecia affected my self-esteem deeply. Society places such a high value on physical appearance, and losing my hair made me feel vulnerable and exposed. Over time, I learned to embrace my appearance, whether I had a full head of hair or none at all. It became a journey of self-acceptance and resilience. In my late twenties, I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). The diagnosis was both a relief and a challenge. It explained the intense emotions, fear of abandonment, and difficulties in maintaining stable relationships that had plagued me for years. BPD made my life feel like a roller coaster. My husband and I decided to start a family after several months of trying with no success, we sought medical advice and were devastated as we faced difficulties conceiving. The news was crushing. The dream of having biological children was suddenly out of reach, and it felt like yet another piece of my identity was being stripped away. However, through this pain, I found new ways to envision my future and the potential to provide love and care in different capacities, much like my adoptive parents did for me. I refused to let these challenges define me or overshadow my ability to support others. Through all these experiences—being adopted, living with BPD, coping with Alopecia, and facing infertility—I have learned that life is unpredictable and often difficult. But I have also learned that resilience, self-acceptance, and seeking support can transform our deepest struggles into sources of strength. I came across a Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) outpatient program. For the first time, I encountered people who understood my struggles. In this group, I discovered not only empathy, but also hope. Seeing how others had learned to manage their symptoms and live fulfilling lives inspired me. I gradually came to accept the BPD diagnosis as part of who I am, rather than something that defines me. I became involved in support groups, both giving and receiving help. Sharing my experiences with others who understood my pain was transformative. It was in these moments of connection that I found a renewed sense of purpose. In our sessions, I encourage open and honest dialogue, creating a safe space for individuals to express their fears, hopes, and frustrations. I share my coping strategies, such as dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) techniques for managing mental challenges, and the importance of finding support networks. My story isn’t just about the struggles I’ve faced, but also about the victories, no matter how small, that have shaped who I am today. Every day, I am reminded that our stories have the power to heal. By embracing my past and sharing it openly, I strive to inspire others to find their strength and resilience, just as I have found mine.
Friends
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