Whitney (00:00)
Hello, everybody. Welcome to Reduce the Stigma Unfiltered. This is our once a month live stream show where we take on topics that most people shy away from. The goal is to have these honest and vulnerable conversations so that we can continue getting stories out there, getting truths out there, and really reducing stigma around

So many things. We know that there’s a lot of division, a lot of distance between people because of misunderstandings. And this is an opportunity for us to address those.

So today I am joined with Dr. Mo, my co -hosts, as well as Rob and Tom. I will let them all introduce themselves, but I’m so excited for today. This is our second live stream and we’re gonna talk about all things culture. So let me just go ahead and start. Dr. Mo, do you mind introducing yourself and then we’ll move on to our guests.

Dr. Mo (00:57)
Absolutely. I’m Dr. Mo and I’m the CEO of Straight Up Care and I’m so happy to be here with all you guys.

Rob Cooper (01:08)
Cooper CEO for Zero Hour Life Center, which is a recovery community organization out of Florida.

Tom DeCoteau jr (01:19)
Dakota. I’m from Sistence, South Dakota and hopefully I’ll get to be CEO soon too.

Dr. Mo (01:27)
Hahaha!

Whitney (01:27)
You can be CEO of Tom. There you go. Right. So thank you all for being here. Like I said, we’re going to talk about all things culture. And I want to start by just throwing this out there. What is culture? Because everyone has a different idea of it. We could go to you know, deck dictionary definition, but I don’t want that. In your words, what is culture?

Rob Cooper (01:29)
There you go.

Dr. Mo (01:30)
Love

I’m not going first. No way.

Tom DeCoteau jr (02:01)
Hahaha

Rob Cooper (02:02)
Well, you know, it’s culture to me is belonging to something, you know, belong to something. And, you know, me being African American, you know, we have a lot of culture. So I do things different from a lot of people because that’s how I’ve raised. So and it’s not a bad thing. It’s just, you know, that’s how my my neighborhood, my

my, where I was born at, that’s how, and then, you know, so belonging to something and really adapting to what you were keen to, what you are, what you know, you

Whitney (02:48)
Thank you. What about you Tom? What’s culture in your words?

Tom DeCoteau jr (02:53)
I’m a Dakota from Sistine. kind of have a culture, I always thought it was like a way of life for us. Like we don’t practice it, we don’t. It’s just something that we live every day. We’re taught by our elders.

I was just a way of life that I live. I’m a cultural director, I could be a cultural counselor, but it’s just what I learned and what I was taught, can pass on to someone else. It’s kind of like what Rob said, belonging to something.

Dr. Mo (03:31)
Yeah, I love that. So that’s kind of where I was going to go too. think like my culture doesn’t look.

or feel as deep in some areas and in some it is, right? So I belong to a few different cultures that make me who I am. And a lot of them look like my spiritual culture or I spent a majority of my life playing roller derby and I feel really tied to that culture and what roller skating looks like and being part of a team. And so I still kind of bring some of those parts with me, right? And then like, you know, my family piece that comes together too. What does my family look like and what does that culture look like as well? And whether I adhere to all that or not is a totally

different story, but it’s part of what makes me me.

Whitney (04:12)
You know, we were joking before we even came on because here we have Dr. Mo and I who are two white cisgender women. And we were saying, you know, culture just doesn’t drive us this, you know, and we were wanting to be respectful of that. Whereas also I had a friend right before you were saying, well, what are you talking about? Culture is everywhere. And I think that’s, you know, an overlooked part because I think in a way, and this is kind of diving right into let’s have the unfiltered conversation.

In a way, those of us who don’t feel a strong sense of culture are able to do so out of that privilege, right? Unfortunately, African Americans have faced a lot of discrimination. So have Native Americans and other cultures as well. And so sometimes it’s almost like the presence and the identity with a culture is almost a survival skill, but in also a way of, you know,

Dr. Mo (04:46)
Thank you.

Whitney (05:09)
connecting to people who have been through a damaging negative experience.

Rob Cooper (05:16)
You get on something right there Whitney, I was sitting and thinking where I’m at right now. I’m in one of my counties because we’re working on a new project and this county that I’m in is 2 % African American and 98 % white. And this is where Zero Life Center started from in this county. And I can remember going around in this community and trying to talk

our organization and talk about recovery and talk about and I used to have my COO with me and she was white and they always looked at her like she was in charge of me and but what was my shelter shot was I went to the Walmart here and I walked to the Walmart and I was the only African American person in the Walmart and it scared me because I came from the military were so diverse

I was in the Marine Corps and yeah, there’s a difference. There’s more white than African American in the Marine Corps. But when you travel around, you see different things. But when I moved down here to Florida, I was like, okay, I’m thinking Orlando, Miami, Tampa. And I got to this county and it was a shelter shop for me. But what helped me was,

when I started to help people, I started to help people and I started to help a lot of the homeless folks that battle with substance use and they didn’t see my color. And I can remember our first couple of years, we had no African -American clients. it really helped me to say, they don’t really care about how you look, you know, and

I knew there were some houses I went into that I was the only black person ever went in their house. But I was but I was giving them a service. I was helping them. And so, you know, but it was it was really it was really a shock to me. And I was scared and I was nervous and I was like, I can’t do this. And I serve a lot of rural counties. I serve probably one of my other counties

You know, right in Marion County, Ocala is more diverse than all my other counties. But, you know, I, I don’t see it. I, know, I don’t see the race or whatever. I just know that when people come for help, they don’t care how you look. They don’t care what you drive. They don’t care. You know, if you got one eye, they’d say you’re, you can help me and you know, help me.

Whitney (08:02)
Yeah. And that’s a really great, you know, across everything because there is a lot of division, right? There’s a lot of animosity, unfortunately, in our world, in our country. And when it comes down to help to those basic needs to being able to survive, I would hope that, you know, differences doesn’t matter who you’re going to be willing to accept help from. I’m sure there are some people who will turn that away, but I think that’s, you know, kind of gets to the,

core of we are all just humans and we are all going to feel pain. And it’s if we take away everything else at who we are at our core, the differences aren’t there. But how we live our lives can be different. Right. So I’d love to hear about, you know, the cultural impact on your sense of self, on how you have progressed through the world.

And Tom, we haven’t heard from you. I’m curious. You I remember from our interview, you talked about culture as part of, you you coming into your recovery. Can you speak a little bit about

Tom DeCoteau jr (09:12)
culture. don’t our people been through a lot from the boarding school era and even before that about different battles that went on and different massacres and but before that our people can’t see my hand they talk with my hand so yeah and but we were very we loved each other we took care of each other we were you know

Whitney (09:30)
cultural thing, right? Yes, me too.

Tom DeCoteau jr (09:41)
We were one with Mother Nature. That’s where that saying comes, it takes the whole village. So if I went out to battle and I didn’t come back or went off hunting and I didn’t make it back, someone would take care of my family.

So we had a lot of respect and honor. We really felt love since we were born. We had different ceremonies. We wrapped blankets around our babies and our buffalo robes. And so they felt love right away, comfort, safety. So when they took the babies and children away from, and took them to the boarding schools, we didn’t have that no more. So we weren’t taught those beautiful things anymore. From the boarding schools, we got abuse, shame.

Don’t speak your language. Savage, cut your hair. They took that from us. So those things start being passed

So, what some of us older ones now I can say, I’m gonna be 50 next week. The elder, kidding. I made it. I’m just happy. Happy I made it to 50. But I realized in that, just because we went through these things as children, we’re still connected to our ancestors and we still have that love in us. We just gotta kind of peel it away and heal.

Dr. Mo (10:46)
Yay!

Tom DeCoteau jr (11:08)
So now what I teach my relatives I work with is, make I love yourself first. A lot of the elders used to teach, say, no, Tom, respect everybody, love your culture, love your language. But I didn’t really know what love was. I wasn’t really shown that. So I had to learn to love myself and take care of myself so I can help people. So now, if I do that now, some of my older kids seen me.

in addiction and still not in recovery. My first 10 years, I didn’t really dig into loving myself yet or healing. So they didn’t learn what love was either, but now I’m teaching them. So if I started doing it, my kids started doing it, my grandkids started doing it, and seven generations, they don’t have to learn it again. So that’s what I try to teach people. All this stuff happened to us, but it’s up to us to change

with the help of Dr. Mo’s and other relatives. So that’s how the culture is kind of adapting now. We’ve through so much where we still understand what love is and honor, but we have to kind of

peel off the onion, there’s layers of onion to get to it because it’s still in there. Just kind of asleep, they said.

Dr. Mo (12:40)
That’s beautiful.

So as someone, like I said, who isn’t really connected to culture, I think like I’m in Hawaii and this is my second summer here. And so I really have check it upon myself to try to explore the culture, what it looks like. And I think.

You know, I see a lot of ties to the Native American population to being, you know, surrounded with that in South Dakota as well. And I think the beauty comes from being somebody who’s who’s maybe not involved with either one of these cultures, but gets to see it from afar. And I’m not going to lie that sometimes I’m a little jealous. I’m like, I wish I had ties like that. Right. Especially in this beautiful island where I’m like, it’d be really neat if I knew what the hell was going on with these ceremonies and stuff. But just to be able to experience them and have my daughter walk along that with me to see the different

that are here and how to like tie her back to the earth and show her you know the beauty of mother nature and how the Hawaiian population just really lives aloha and I think although I am not Hawaiian I have a little piece of that in my soul right I carry aloha with me for sure even though I don’t you know carry that blood but it is just it’s so beautiful to be able to experience different cultures and I think as I’ve traveled the world and anytime that I’m in a place where I’m the only person from the United States or there’s not many of us

I don’t speak the language. It really takes me down to and reminds me how small I am and I think that’s good I think it’s nice to have a nice ego wipe like that every now and then I think it’s good to know that our language is not the only language that’s spoke right like English is not the biggest language there is right and we forget that if we stay in our little town and our little space and I did that right and so to have this like Expansive place where it’s not my language. It’s not my food. It’s not I don’t look like anyone like it’s so good for you,

And it just helps me like love everyone just a little bit more, right? Because we are all different and I love to learn like what what makes people tick anyways, but then like if I can learn also what’s your cultural piece because that’s a huge part of the core of who people are.

Whitney (14:44)
Rob, think you may be muted.

Rob Cooper (14:50)
Can you hear me now? So I have a little secret. I have some Native American in me too. So I do. really, on my father’s side, my father’s mother, my grandmother was full -blooded, Shinnokah Indian from Long Island. And so I have a small percentage that’s, can’t you see my cheeks and all that? The cheekbones, yeah. And you know, I would love to learn more about that culture.

Tom DeCoteau jr (14:56)
Mmm.

Hahaha

Rob Cooper (15:18)
I know the African American, I’m still learning that, but I would love to learn more about that. And I say that for a reason because we have this, if we do an ancestry, we have a lot of stuff in our lineage. so, you know, and that was America. America was the melting pot. You know, everybody came to America, the Irish, know, everybody came here. you know, and what for today is,

There’s some bad apples out there. There’s some people out there that want to separate us. And, you know, I see it in, I see it in mental health. see it in, in, in, in human services, whatever we, you know, the people are trying to separate and, you know, and we have to be the change agents and say, no, you know, and I’m so glad that my parents did not raise me like that.

We didn’t see no color. We didn’t see anything, you know? And so when I grew up, it was like, you know, I had white friends. I had Mexican friends. I had all types of friends, you know? so, you know, and it helped me and it helped me because, you know, I have a son that’s biracial and, you know, and I fear for him when that day come that he got to choose, you know, where you, which

Who do you wanna be with? And so, but I talk to them. I let them know. I really talk with them, that transparency and let them know that, you know, to just be true to yourself. And if you wanna hang with this group of people, you wanna hang with this group of people, just be who you are.

Dr. Mo (17:07)
You know, I told the same thing to my daughter.

I have a biracial grandson and I told her please make sure that you allow him a space to understand both cultures because I do see that when people have their culture ripped away from them or they don’t experience it or have never been You know privy to what it looks like that it does impact them whether whether they know it or not I I see it from from my level right when we get people connected back to their culture their spirituality whatever it is that you know really makes them tick and so I wanted to make sure that she you know recognize that from from the

with him, you know, to be able to expose him to everything that makes him him.

Whitney (17:48)
Well, and you know, it’s interesting. So I’m hearing two different things. There’s one, the embrace, identify with the culture, and also let’s not have a cultural identity separating us. So how do we create a space where we have the embracing of culture and the bridging

different experiences, different perspectives, you know. How do we start addressing this so that, you know, there’s, can self -educate, right, but what else could we be doing? What else could, in the mental health space, in the substance use space, in the, just in general, what is needed right now, or what can we all be doing a little bit differently?

Dr. Mo (18:30)
you

And from my view, or what I’m trying to do is beat biases out of people every turn I can, right? If you’ve ever had a class with me, you know you have a biases assignment.

Tom DeCoteau jr (18:49)
Okay.

Dr. Mo (18:50)
because I will wiggle it into every flippin’ class that I teach because I think it’s so important. If you are going to be in contact with other humans and you want to help them, you cannot be blind to your biases. And just like I’ll say on everything I’ve ever talked about, you know, it’s okay to have messed up thoughts come in. It’s just you can’t act on them. You literally can’t, right? But if you don’t know that those thoughts are a little off, you know, kilter or wrong, one might say, then how are you supposed to be able to do best

by people, right? If you’ve had experiences that have molded you and you have, P .S. everyone has, it’s okay, right? But you can’t act on those things if it was an isolated event, right? And I say that all to say, like, I also tell people you still got to follow your gut, right? Don’t override that bugger. But you can override some of that stuff that just doesn’t make sense to you anymore. Maybe you were raised in a home where racial slurs were thrown out, right? And now you, maybe that comes into your brain, but it never comes out of your mouth, right? You have the

to be able to unlearn shit and re -put thoughts into your head. And I think if we keep hammering that into people, we would be better off. I think every time I go to a powwow, I think it’s the most beautiful thing. I just, it blows my mind that people are racist, really. Like I can’t, I can’t understand it. And I think like one of the most awesome experiences I’ve had was, I was at a powwow in Sioux Falls and they did like an all people dance, right? And it was like the most fun that my daughter and I had just like, I didn’t know what I was doing. I probably looked like an egghead.

I had so much fun for like that song to be able to like be part of that. So I think I would also say like, put yourself in places where you can experience the culture like that, you know, because it was really rewarding for me to be able to be a small part of that ceremony on that day. So that’s my two cents.

Rob Cooper (20:40)
I like that and I was we all got biases, know, we all got biases. But what I usually how I feel that people can, you

Go and explore other people’s culture. Knowledge is key. If I stay in my little bubble and I watch my little news station, I just, know, and I go to work the same way, I come home the same way and it’s not my yard, I’m gonna be divided, you know? And so I’m one of these people that I love to…

I’m like a detective. just love to learn. So, but when it comes to substance use, and if I see it in the recovery movement, I always throw it back to the person and I say, when you was out there using, if I had the drug that you were using, you would sit down and use with me no matter what. And we’ll share the same instrument too. So now you’re in recovery.

Dr. Mo (21:43)
ha ha ha ha ha ha

Tom DeCoteau jr (21:45)
Yeah.

Rob Cooper (21:51)
And now you’re saying, I can’t sit beside that person because, you know, this, that, now your true feelings are coming out. But, you know, recovery is about community and everybody’s welcome, no matter what you look like, how you did it, you know? And so, but when I do go back to that analogy and I say, you know, when you were a slave to that drug, you probably would say, I never in my life would be around anybody that looked different from me. Yes, you would. When you were out

And it really opened their eyes like, so what’s the difference now? You just not putting the drugs in your system. and bringing it back down to their level and letting them see that. then I thought, and then I just really, you know, hone in on that and say, look, you know, how can you, how can you talk community and you don’t like the way I look or you don’t, know, so, but.

Yeah, just using that analogy with someone.

Dr. Mo (22:51)
I’m gonna steal that one, just saying.

Rob Cooper (22:53)
I’m a patent.

Tom DeCoteau jr (22:56)
and just keep on doing what we’re doing. This is helping, Bridget. And also respect, respect everybody and don’t think my culture is better than your culture. And just start with this. Even if there’s just four of us starting this right now, it’s gonna grow. People are gonna see how good it is and how happy we are and how we’re helping people. So they’re gonna wanna heal themselves and come join us.

Rob Cooper (23:00)
Yeah.

Tom DeCoteau jr (23:25)
And also from my experiences, when outside your culture, they come in and try to tell you how to do it. This is what you gotta do to help your people. And that kinda, don’t do that. You don’t know.

It kind of hurts. Well, for a native person it hurts because of all the oppression and colonization. So that just sticks in our head. Just respect us. I respect Rob, I respect Dr. Mo, I respect Whitney. The way you guys help people is going to be different from the way I help people. We just got to work together and put our strengths together and help people in that way. I’ll take my strength. Kind of like the Avengers, the ring thing.

Dr. Mo (24:15)
we should get some of those.

Tom DeCoteau jr (24:16)
Yeah, put them all together. Put them all together and we’re stronger, yeah.

Dr. Mo (24:21)
That’s right, you’re so

Whitney (24:25)
And it’s interesting because I don’t know if people really know how to go about exposing themselves to different cultures or different experiences. I remember in graduate school and actually in undergraduate as well, I had two classes on culture and both of them required that the students go.

to a place where they’re not in the majority. So for one, I went to an African -American church, and for another, I went to a Jewish temple. I grew up Catholic, right? But I also felt like I was invading a very sacred space. And how to do that in a respectful way so that I can learn while also not, you know,

going into a recovery meeting or something like that, I would never want to take away from the sanctity of those spaces or whenever, you you just really need to be with people who understand the experience. Any tips on how to engage in cultural diversity while also respecting the fact that sometimes that space needs to be sacred.

We’re gonna solve the world’s problems tonight, you know?

Tom DeCoteau jr (25:51)
Just ask. Just ask if you’re going to come to one of our ceremonies or one of our gatherings and just find an elder, give them some tobacco, say, okay, if I come, I’m just here. I’m here for a class. I’m to learn a culture and a fifth year culture because you guys are awesome. know, you can kind of invite this, explain, ask like that. It’s kind of scary, but because they might say, no, go on.

Dr. Mo (26:12)
Ha

Hahaha

Tom DeCoteau jr (26:21)
But that’s a respectful way to do something.

Whitney (26:26)
Yeah. And then you both now mentioned recovery and I’m curious how your cultural experiences, you know, or your different identities have impacted your recovery journey and what we need to be mindful of for individuals, whether it’s mental health, substance use, anything. Because I

there can be different expectations based off of communities, based off of cultures, different stigmas even that are, you know, within different cultures. So can you speak a little bit about how your communities and cultures played in to your recovery journey?

Rob Cooper (27:12)
I would have got help a long time ago if I wasn’t, if it wasn’t installed in me what happened here, stay here. And, you know, in my community, in the African -American community, we didn’t go to the doctor unless it was serious or we forced to go because…

I’ll be honest with you and I don’t speak for all African American people, but I’m just saying this that we felt less than we’ve seen the power differential because the doctors is white, the nurses white. So we’re not I’m not going, you know, and then in our culture, too, it’s a lot of, you know, use some herbs and all these remedies and stuff like that. So but, know, like I.

I can remember when I was having my addiction and I was like, man, I need to get help. But I was not picking that phone up. I was not calling because I didn’t want the stigma and the shame of people finding out that I was using, you know. But and you know, even in recovery, I still felt kind of like, you know, doing the work that I do. And it took one girl, one woman. And this was like two years ago on a brochure of my picture in there.

She was an African -American lady. so she was sitting in my lobby and I came down and spoke to her and she said, wow, you’re the guy on the brochure. I said, yeah. She said, you know what? She said, your brochure landed in my hand and I was at my lowest point and I saw you that looked like me and I saw your picture and I said, I can, if, he can do it, I can do it. And so that just, that, really made me like, wow, you know,

and so what I do now is, you know, when I’m with people of color or someone that I know come from a, a race that, you know, stigmatized getting help or whatever, I really empowered them. And I tell them it’s cool. You know, I got non -therapist. I got this, I got that, you know, I, you know, and, and, and I advocate for that. I advocate for that. And, you

And I let them know that, you know, seeking help and getting help is not the enemy. It’s there to help you. so, but come from my culture and you know, I go back home a lot to South Carolina and I go to my hometown and I see that it’s still the same way when I grew up there. And, you know, people are just dying and still doing the same thing and

You know, and then I was looking up how many recovery meeting was there and there was none. And I was like, it blew my mind. I’m like, you know, because it’s more African -American there. And so. But yeah, I just, you know, I’m very vocal. I recover out loud. I, you know, I’m a very I’m an advocate for mental for therapy. I’m an advocate for your mental health. And if I mess

It ain’t the end of the world, you know? And I show that, I let people know that we all human. So, you know.

Whitney (30:44)
Absolutely.

Tom DeCoteau jr (30:47)
and the same as Rob, same story as Rob. I grew up with the culture, the trauma is, and having some cultural leaders that still drank and went to culture. So us young guys seen that, and we’re already alcoholics at a young age, so we said, we’re gonna do this, instead of doing the right thing. And we were older, I was talking to some of them, and we were like, we knew better then, but we just chose to drink.

party because they did. But I’m with Rob, like therapy really helped me. Because we were, I love my, I love home. I love the reservation here. You we’re loving people, but there’s a lot of, from the boarding school area where it’s hush hush. That’s what it was like years ago. I’m old now, so years ago, you know. Don’t say nothing if this happened, but now.

people are more open and healing and fighting for each other and helping each other. If something bad happens, if an abuse happens, and they’re able to use their voice now, finding their voice again. Where our voices were kind of closed from the boarding schools. Shame, guilt, not being proud of who I am. Even through my first 10 years of sobriety,

I was sober, I was helping people go to ceremonies, but I still had a lot of character defects. I still lied, and still… people pleasing. I wasn’t in control of who I was because I let other people control me because that’s how much shame I had in myself. So right now I’m an advocate for my relatives too as an abode of therapy because we have anxieties, depressions, have bipolar.

We have all these things that it’s still the negative voices are loud, you know, the people that we call them crabs in the bucket. You’re trying to get out to play back in. They’re loud. And they know that with their loud voice, they can keep everybody that’s walking good, quiet and low. So we got to find their voice again and be loud. We can’t let as we say, the darkness overcome us. We talk to my brothers a lot and we talk about the fire. If my fire is bright and there’s three of us, it’s brighter. The darkness can’t get us. So if the whole community is bright, nothing should be able to get us because we’re together. So that’s where we got to get at. Don’t let nobody make our fire dim.

So that’s what I’m learning at 50 years old now, is to be proud of who I

Dr. Mo (33:50)
Love that.

Whitney (33:52)
As you were saying that both of you really it resonated with me that a lot of the norms of a culture are past obviously passed down. However, there’s also the fact that as a result of oppression of needing to survive, then there are things that become ingrained in the culture like silencing, pushing, like ignoring pain, not asking for

Well, if those messages could get ingrained at some point, we can then un -ingrain them, like Mo was saying before when talking about our own, being aware of ourselves. And it’s through letting your fire shine bright, and being out there and being open, being on a brochure that somebody sees. We can work then towards a culture of asking for help, of tending to your well -being.

of connecting with people rather than trying to distance. it’s just, this, like you said, Tom, this is a start down that path. And so it just really is resonating with me how we have the ability to make it so that the next generation or generations to come have a different culture.

I’m gonna take a question from one of our audience members now, and this one is to Rob from Roger. Roger asks, what is the biggest culture shock now in the black community?

Rob, you’re muted again.

Dr. Mo (35:41)
maybe your mic isn’t working.

Rob Cooper (35:44)
Can you hear me? Okay. The big culture shock in the white community, in the black community? man, it’s really, that’s a good question, Roger. That’s a good question. I think now is,

Whitney (35:49)
And yes.

Rob Cooper (36:07)
I think now is, you know, law enforcement dealing with law enforcement, you know, still feeling that when a cop or law or police officer behind you and you’re scared because you don’t know what’s going to happen when you get pulled over. I still feel I really think that is, you know, big issue in African American community.

And then two is, know, I was talking about this the other day and I was well about a couple of weeks ago. It was only since the 1960s that desegregation was over, you know, and sometimes we think about that was a long time. That’s almost 50, 60 years. The Civil Rights Act was only 60 years ago that it came into law, you know. And

And there was a lot of states that did not honor that into the 80s. So, you know, and we yes, technology and yeah, we in 2024, but there still is some places that I as an African American person do not feel safe going to. I went out to in prime example, I went out to see the solar eclipse and we went to Arkansas.

me and my wife and her brothers and we had a, you know, we was out there and one place we were gonna look at and we were gonna stay, my brother -in -law said, I don’t think we need to go there. Cause look, no, you have a problem there. And I said, really? you know, going places where we’re still not accepted and there’s still some places in America like that.

It drives me crazy that it’s 2024 and we still like that. And what it is, and Dr. Mo said it, is that some of those old beliefs will always rise to the surface no matter who you are, what you do. You could be a firefighter, you could be president of the United States. Whatever you was taught is always gonna rise to the surface.

That’s why with me is that I’m always trying to learn different cultures. I really am. I’m really trying to learn and trying to educate myself. And when I do have a bias, because you know, I am human, I try to correct that. I try to correct that and I say, okay, that’s not nice. You know, how would you feel if someone said about your son or how you feel if someone said about your wife, you know? And so,

I hope I I give you a long answer, Roger. But you know, that’s why I really think that’s happening right now in the African American community.

Whitney (39:13)
Thank you.

I’m sorry. I’m just processing because

It shouldn’t be the way that it is. And we know that there’s a lot of danger for people in different situations. And if I can add a little bit just from my own thoughts as you were saying that it was the importance that we all recognize that when we interact with someone, they may be coming into the interaction with you from

a past experience. You know, I, I previously identified, I’m a white cisgender woman. There have been plenty of white cisgender women who have contributed to horrible things that have happened to people of color. And so whenever I interact with someone, I have to recognize what I may represent and not to take things personally then and to recognize and to know what I may represent so that I can

be mindful and I can make a safe space and not necessarily take it personally because there’s just so much that has occurred. And I think that’s where a lot of the hostility comes is people take things personally when it’s not necessarily about you. Let’s all recognize though that we can be a representation of a negative experience.

Dr. Mo (40:56)
Good play.

Whitney (41:02)
I’m looking to see if we have any other questions. know this is a very, you know, this is an important topic. This is an emotionally charged topic. So we’re not as fast moving as we usually are because this isn’t something to rush through. So as we continue to, you know, touch on these things, I just want to thank you all again for engaging in this conversation and ask, you

Let’s go a little bit into the positivity of where our cultures and communities can play a role. And how do they contribute to our wellbeing? Because I think that’s something that we haven’t yet touched on. What are the things that we can pull from communities and cultures to help us be our best selves?

Dr. Mo (41:55)
So I think I’m gonna answer your previous question to this as well. I know my screen is behind, is my voice okay still?

Tom DeCoteau jr (41:58)
Ahem.

Dr. Mo (42:04)
So you were asking like, do we experience cultures and still be respectful? And so kind of, you know, as I’ve been on the island, I definitely did not want to ever.

step on anyone’s toes or do anything that was disrespectful. And so I very much spent last year just kind of like, OK, here’s where I know that I fit in. I know the driving style, which no offense, people in Oahu, it’s terrible and not a little. Anyways, beyond that, I wanted to make sure that I was respectful about how to do like little things like how to drive. What does the what does it look like to drive in this culture? What does it look like for me to go to the beach? Are there beaches where people don’t want me? And there are. And I asked people that because

wanted to make sure there wasn’t being disrespectful in any ways. And then I also found people that were really attached to their culture and asked them, what experiences do you think would be important for me to have? Which ones am I allowed to experience? And which ones, you know, would you rather I just stay away from? Because I want to have all the experiences I can, and I want my child to be able to experience this beautiful culture, but I don’t want to be disrespectful in any way. And I also know that any time I go somewhere, no matter where it is in the world, I want to try and be able to give

So when we went to Thailand, we made sure to send books and toys to kids over there. When I went to Puerto Rico, I helped try and write some grants. When I come to Hawaii, I try and figure out what can I do? Can I do some trainings? Can I do things? Can I help with your own house population? What can I do to give back why I’m here? And not only does that, you know, allow me to meet a lot of really awesome people, but it also shows people that I’m not just trying to take away. I’m not trying to take away from your culture. I’m not trying to take away from your little slice of heaven, but I am trying to give back here and have these experiences.

with you. And that is really what, you know, kind of extends out all the branch to people and lets them know that I want to be part of the beauty that exists. And I think I watch people heal, especially in South Dakota. I watch them heal when they reconnect to their culture. And I see that in the Native American population a lot. And I’m grateful that I get to experience it. And that is just one way that I realize how positive culture can be in people’s lives. And I see it here, too. I see their experiences with, you know, being connected

their family, their gigantic, gigantic families and how they hang out on the beach and they just enjoy each other’s company and food and how much part of, you know, of their culture food is and how sharing food is, you know, healing and it’s love and being part of that is such a positive experience when everybody else is, you

they’re just showing love too. So I think culture is such a positive aspect when the culture is positive, right? We can have cultures like when I was using drugs, that drug culture was not quite as positive, right? So being around that drug culture, I picked up some habits that, you know, maybe I wasn’t too proud of, but, and it looks different. And as a reminder, it’s hard to get out of those spaces too. So if you’re dealing with somebody who’s in the drug culture, it’s difficult. It’s difficult to leave that space. It’s your culture. You think those are your friends. have

They help you get the medicine that you feel like you need. There’s a lot that comes into play with that type of culture too.

Rob Cooper (45:17)
Yeah, you hit you hit something right there. I’ll sit and listen to that is, you know, where their division. Then we are being selfish. We are being we only thinking about ourselves. And I feel now in this society now we’re we’re we’re becoming a selfish generation. It’s all about me, me, me, me. How can I? And, know, we don’t think about our fellow man or woman out there. And, you know, and then I justify it where I can say

You know, well, my office, I have a Latino that sit beside me. have an African -American that sit beside me. And but I don’t feel that way. But, know, deep down, those those bad roots are starting to stick up and I’m seeing it more and I’m seeing it more. And I’m like, you know, why? Why? Because the inverse, the everybody’s going after the same result is to have a successful life.

And you know, it doesn’t matter. The money’s green. The quarter’s still silver. It ain’t changing. And so, but I feel that people are scared now. They are scared. They are scared of, they’re just scared. And so when they’re scared, they become more selfish. And I think about a time about four years ago,

five years ago, four, no, four years ago, when everything was happening in the news and all this stuff, George Floyd or whatever, and I was scared. I was terrified. And I came home and I went home and I went to my mom and I said, I said, it’s wild out there. I said, look, I said, will it ever go back

when you were growing up in the 50s and the 60s, she said, son, no. She said, the difference is now you can buy the house, you can get the car, you can do this, you can do that, you can own a business, you can do that. And I thought about that and I said, you are correct. Today I can be a business owner, today I can walk on the car lot and get that. But there are some people out there that still living in the 50s and the 60s.

and they don’t want to embrace different cultures and they don’t want to open their eyes and how could you be so dumb and just walk around in your bubble and doesn’t see the world is changing around you? you know, so, and all of us on here, and like I said, are change agents. It starts with us. And you know, this DEI, whatever, you come to my organization, it’s diverse. I have diverse in my organization. I have a person that’s LGBTQ plus.

I have white, I have black, I have women, I I got them all. I have them all because I want people to feel included when they come to my organization. I want them to feel safe. I want them to see that, okay, we as different cultures can come together and work as a cohesive group. And so, you

But I really feel that we are becoming too selfish. Me, me, me, me, and it’s all about

Tom DeCoteau jr (48:49)
With our culture, it was taken away from us. We weren’t able to practice our culture until 1978 without going to jail. So we’re trying to reconnect. But I’ve seen language, they took our language away, but it’s still inside of us. So we hear it more and more, hear the songs more and more, it wakes something

lost it. You still hear me? Yeah, I just keeps, or wakes something up. And I’ve seen the brightness come out of it, of people.

Whitney (49:21)
Yep, we

Tom DeCoteau jr (49:33)
We’ve been through a lot, so I always advocate for therapy. Because I grew up around the culture, but it didn’t keep me sober. It didn’t get me to love myself. I had to find out how to do that. Because in our language, I asked the elders, how do I say I love myself? They told me how to say it, but then they said, you can’t say that. And it’s like, call it iha -data, like bragging.

They said, Dakotas don’t say stuff like that. But because we didn’t have to, there’s not a word in our language for love because it was a verb. So we showed it. We didn’t have to say, love you because we showed it all the time. So I told them that I didn’t know what it is. Nobody really showed me what really love was for me to love myself. So told them I got to love myself in order to understand it. Even if it’s for a little bit, then

then I don’t have to say I love myself, but I still do. I look in the mirror every day, Tom, I love you. Because I got to do that sometime because I don’t love myself. So then I can start showing my kids and start helping the people I work to understand what love is. It starts with you.

So that’s where the positivity of the culture comes in. Where we feel a sense of pride. Like we’re not supposed to be prideful people either, we don’t know what, we don’t like ourselves from drinking and being childhood traumas. Like I still don’t like myself very much some days and I got to do that hard work in the morning to smudge off and pray and tell myself, know, you are a good person, Tom.

You do deserve good things Tom. You do deserve to good friends like Dr. Moe, Tom, and now Rob. I do deserve those things. Whereas growing up I didn’t think I deserved anything. And whereas a long time ago we didn’t have to say, Tom, you deserve good things. We just lived. It was just normal to be happy and to love.

to take care of each other. So, everything that I do, I use the culture in it, know. Red road approach, talking circles, and swat lodges, language, because it’s going to plant the seeds, like the ripple effect. So, a rock in there is going to ripple effect.

It’s just a part of us and respect each other. Because not everyone that is a Dakota here on the res does the language, does practices of culture. They think it’s not their way anymore. So we respect that. They gotta respect us. It’s not like, here, you’re Dakota, you do the culture, you do the culture, it’s gonna save you. It’s

wants to learn it and some people don’t know they want to learn it until they start hearing the language and the signs and it wakes something up in them so that’s where the positivity comes from our culture

Whitney (52:52)
Wow. This has been such a touching conversation. Like I’m just, I’m honored to have been part of it. And we’re coming to the end of the live stream and I’m going to make sure that we get to wrap up effectively. I’ve really heard the message of the learning mindset being open.

open to others, open to maybe our own culture that we haven’t yet tapped into. And maybe that’s something that we can all kind of look at. But also then to be loud. I wrote, was writing down notes, be loud, demonstrate, be a model. Not forcing it on anyone, but saying, hey, I apologize, my dog is digging next to me.

but being able to be the person someone looks at and says, that’s who I want to be like. So I’d like to go around Rob and Tom, Dr. Mo, we know how to get in touch with you, but Rob and Tom, how can someone connect with you after today’s show?

Rob Cooper (54:11)
Can you hear me? Okay. You can reach me at www .zerohourlifecenter .org. That’s our organization. Or you always can find me on my Facebook, social media, all those platforms or on LinkedIn. You know, you can reach out to me that way. But I would, you know, this was an honor. know, I don’t take this lightly.

Is a privilege. I’m glad you asked me to be on here I want to continue the dialogue. This is needed in a time that we are because I feel that the I feel that the vision is in everything now it’s just it’s just and so we we really really have to Have these dialogues and have these tough conversations and nobody want to have the tough conversation nobody want to have the tough conversation

You know, we’ve got to stop going to eat the other culture food and not want to go and sit down with them. You know, I love my Chinese food. I go in there and I talk to everybody that’s that’s back there. Hey, how you doing? You know, and, you know, stop taking, stop taking and give me that little doctor. Most say give something. And sometimes it’s just a conversation, learning about that other culture and asking those questions. And you’re not going to feel dumb.

when you ask a question that you don’t know. So, it takes everybody. It takes everybody to be a change agent. And so, but yeah, that’s how you can follow me. Thank

Tom DeCoteau jr (55:51)
I’m a peer specialist once I finish up my app. Whenever I get home, whenever I make it back to Sioux Falls. And also, a couple of my relatives are, they’re my little sisters now. We’re starting, we chose Aniwaste, kind of like our own LLC.

Appropriate the culture and recovery and all that stuff. It’s on Facebook. We chose on the watch day I’ll send it to Whitney how to spell it and and maybe I will be a CEO next time we thought nice I do deserve it

Rob Cooper (56:29)
Yes.

Whitney (56:29)
like that. Yes, all the contact, all contact information will be available on reduce the stigma .com for this episode and our guests. have one final question to wrap up with everybody. We’re going to go a little rapid fire and that is what books, podcasts or resources would you recommend for anyone to learn more about, you know, what we’ve been discussing today?

Dr. Mo (56:32)
you

Whitney (56:57)
Let you all think about it for a moment. I’ll share mine. I highly recommend the book, The New Jim Crow, I believe is what it’s called. I’m blanking on, but it really was very informative about the war on drugs and the impact it’s had on people of color. So that is my recommendation.

Rob Cooper (57:20)
I just say, you know, I just say, just listen to a podcast, you know, Google, you know, or go on your go on your apps or whatever, and just put another podcast that you don’t normally listen to and get outside of that bubble and, and do that, you know, and because I do it, I’m very, very, I’m intrigued by different things. So

I listen to different things that I normally listen to. So that’s a way to do it

Tom DeCoteau jr (57:56)
There’s all kinds of books that talk about boarding schools and talk about looking into the history before now, looking into the beautiful, how beautiful we were before the boarding schools came and also different podcasts. Also listen to all my Facebook lives.

Rob Cooper (58:17)
Hehehehe

Dr. Mo (58:22)
I love that. I think as far as honestly, I’m going to take it a little bit different, but I say, we don’t read about trauma. Read about trauma and the way it impacts people and how that impacts their culture. think you can learn a lot out as well. So even just like.

Whitney (58:22)
and

Tom DeCoteau jr (58:34)
Yeah.

Dr. Mo (58:38)
what your own traumas look like when we’re talking about biases, but also like, are the interventions, right? Like, what does it look like to be able to move forward from that too? And just better understand yourself and where you come from. And I think then you can better impact other people that you come across too. Keep that mind open. And if you need some growth mindset, there’s always Adam Grant with his growth mindset book, I think is pretty great.

Whitney (59:03)
I’ll drop a couple other recommendations real quick. Code Switch is a really wonderful podcast. I highly recommend. And one that you may not see the direct tie from, but I think it’s really great, is Ear Hustle. Rob, Tom, and Dr. Mo, if you want to share any resources, please send them to me and we will get them up on reducethestigma .com so everybody can check them out. Thank you all for joining us.

those listening, those who’ve shared comments, and of course, Rob, Tom, Dr. Mo. This was a really wonderful conversation and hopefully just one of many. And we’re gonna just work together to make these conversations more common.

Dr. Mo (59:52)
Absolutely. Thanks, Brittany.

Whitney (59:52)
So thank you all and have a good evening everybody.

Rob Cooper (59:53)
Thank

Tom DeCoteau jr (59:54)
Thank you.